writer's block

tonight, i have written the worst scripts ever.

i have two stories to write and yet, i can't get started. the right words just won't come out.i've almost memorized all the buttons on my keyboard. have stared at it for more than 30 minutes. my eyes have seen circles and oblongs and doodles of different colors on my pc screen. my mind's like a blank screen.

they call it the writer's block.

such a good excuse, huh? but i think (no, i'm SURE) it was just because i haven't transcribed my tapes yet. tsk tsk. bad. bad. i need a good spanking, a really good spanking. naku, ikaw Summer kapag hindi ka nagtino, tatamaan ka ulit! wapak!

i know i should put a stop to this bad attitude towards work. you see the thing is, i have not been transcribing my tapes on time. this makes it doubly difficult for me to write my scripts. i have no guide. but then since i have always gotten away with it (with flying colors... ehehehe!), meaning i was still able to produce A+ scripts (which rated high! *thunder, lightning* lolz), it became a habit. a very bad habit.

and now, it has taken its toll on me. my scripts tonight really sucked. no need to elaborate.

*looks at my phone* so i had to stay in the office until this late (thought i'd be home and sleeping by this time. sigh...) and gave me a good reason to blog. ugh. what a sweet sweet reason to blog.

ok, ok. so i have an excuse. had a shoot first thing in the morning with Mrs. Mikee Cojuangco-Jaworksi for our Mother's Day episode on May 7. oh, she really is an angel. haaayyy... nakaka-tibo. shet. hehe. and so, i wasn't able to TC (time code-slash-transcribe) my tapes in the morning which i usually do. but then my conscience tells me, "hoy, Summer! you should have transcribed your tapes yesterday, ok? knowing you have a shoot today, you should have waken up early to TC all your a*s!!!"

fine... fine... twas my fault. twas my being lax. the more appropriate word here would be...laziness!

so what did i get now? 2 crappy scripts that needed total revision. UGH.

*****

and so to lessen the crappiness of this night, thought i'd share some advice for anyone who feels attacked by that WB monster.

R - RELAX... the more you worry, the harder it is for your better thoughts to come out. breathe. take a small break. walk. stretch. eat. drink. talk to someone.

E - EXPERIMENT... try to do something different, like use a pen and a paper instead of putting your thoughts straight to your pc. listen to a different kind of music (for people who like it with a background song while writing). think of a topic that you never wanna write about. and who knows? by doing so, you come up with an interesting point to tackle.

A - ASK for help. why not? two heads are better than one [ sometimes :) ].

D - DIVERT... focus your thoughts on another aspect of what you wanna write. or on another topic or story. don't squeeze off all your orange juices. try your grapes.

black sky

no moon
no light
no stars
to light my night

darkness
fills my senses

emptiness
eats my being

cold wind
gives me shivers
and monsters
which crawl under my bed

where are you
my moon
my light
my star

where are you
to give light?


***yeah... Summer's fire is extinguished for now....

i'm 21!

with BJ aka "Tolits" at Lovely Day cubicle ngayon-ngayon lang. hehe

happy birthday to me... happy birthday to me... happy birthday, hapy birthday... happy birthday to me!

yes, i just turned 21 at exactly 7:35 this morning :D haha! sorry guys, i stopped aging and decided to be 21 all my life. so walang pakialamanan, ok? :P

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maraming-maraming salamat sa lahat ng mga kaibigan kong nakaalala at bumati. napansin ko lang, mas marami ang bumati sakin ngayon kesa last year, hmmm... oh well, ang importante eh napatunayan kong marami naman palang nagmamahal sakin. hehe :)

*****

SKL, Pasko ng Pagkabuhay (Easter Sunday) noong ipanganak ako. hmm... wonder what does that mean? and after ilang years, last year lang din ulit tumapat na Easter Sunday ang April 11. kelan kaya ulit?

*****

sabi kanina ng marami-rami ring tao (uhmm, basta more than 1 kaya "marami-rami" na yun! lol) na nakasalubong ko, blooming daw ako *wide grin* dahil daw ba birthday ko? napaisip tuloy ako, errrr, kapag ba birthday mo nagiging blooming ka? ganun ba yun? ehehe. ah basta... ang mahalaga, maganda daw ako (ngayon)! wehehehe! (wag nyo na lang pansinin yung pix sa taas. sira kasi camera kaya pangit ako dyan! nyahahaha!)

*****

bakit ba kailangang maghanda kapag birthday??? waaaaa!!! 'di ba baliktad na mundo ngayon? ang may birthday na ang inililibre, dava? dava???

*****

dear Papa,

i wanna thank You for giving me another year for me to be able to fulfill my purpose/s in life. thank You for giving me this chance to correct all the mistakes i've done in the past. thank You for bringing me to life and having been able to experience Your love and other people's affection. thank You for showing me how beautiful it is to live on this earth despite the many pains and heartaches this (sometimes cruel) world gives me. and thank You for all the many blessings that you continue to shower on me kahit na (minsan) isa akong pasaway na anak. I Love You. Amen.

homosexuality=perversion?

perverts anyone?

as i browsed through Kitomo's blog, i read her post about someone asking her out in an orgy. someone messaged her in Downelink asking her to join the girl and her bf in you-know-what. i also have experiences like that before. maybe some of you have read my entry before about men and women alike asking me out to do some monkey business, sending me messages through Friendster and inviting me to do some tralalah with them (unfortunately this entry vanished into thin air when i changed my blog template, along with a number of entries pa. hay. blogger do suck at times.)

anyways, a friend told me it's my fault. my default pic is kinda inviting daw. errr yeah... i guess it's slightly my fault. ehehe. but then, i know for a fact that a number of narrow-minded, discrimminating pigs, i mean heterosexuals, look at homosexuals(especially gay guys)as sex-hungry monsters.

this thinking, that gay men and lesbians are perverts, can be rooted form religious beliefs - considering sexual intercourse between a man and a man and between a woman and a woman a SIN and an aberration. these so-called "sexual conservatives" call for punitive consequences for homosexual behavior ranging from social censure and counseling to so-called reparative therapy and even death in certain theocratic forms of government where Church and State still remain as one entity, for example Iran and Saudi Arabia.

lesbians and gay men have been murdered, subjected to gross human rights violations, or otherwise persecuted under various jurisdictions, most notably by the Nazi regime. persecution of lesbians and gay men is also common in conservative Islamic nations such as Saudi Arabia, where gay men have reportedly been beheaded, or forced into therapy. the Taliban regime in Afghanistan reportedly murdered lesbians and gay men by burying them alive. prior to the repeal of laws regarding lesbians and gay men as criminals, persecution was common in many Western countries, such as the United Kingdom and the USA. lesbians and gay men were frequently imprisoned and/or forced to undergo barbaric treatments such as chemical castration, forced sex changes and electroconvulsive therapy.

Oscar Wilde

take these examples. Oscar Wilde (1854-1900), an Irish poet and dramatist whose reputation rests on his comic masterpieces Lady Windermere's Fan(1892) and The Importance of Being Earnest (1895), was a married bisexual with children. his life and soul was crushed for being a homosexual. in a governmental sociopolitical legal move, his life was ruined, destroyed, taken from him by the courts which found him guilty of homosexuality, and therefore imprisoned him for two years at hard labor.

John Atherton (1598-1640), Bishop of Waterford and Lismore, was hanged in Ireland for sodomy under a law that he had helped to institute. Hhis lover was John Childe, his steward and tithe proctor, was also hanged.

i remember this real life incident. a friend of mine once told me this funny yet sad story about her lesbian friend, "Maria". Maria has a lover and her mother found out about it. one day, her mother went to Maria's college and angrily cursed all of Maria's orgmates, thinking that these orgmates are all gays or maybe influencing her daughter to be a gay. and she shouted with all her might, echoing accross the whole college, "kayo, mga bakla at tomboy kayo! layuan nyo ang anak ko! ipapagamot ko kayong lahat! ipapaospital ko kayo!!!" shocking, eh? funny? maybe. at first thought, maybe yes. but on the second thought, it really is saddening how people tend to think that homosexuality is a disease. sabi nga ng isang joke, "if homosexuality is a disease, could we tell our boss that we are going on sick leave because we are gay/lesbian?"

verbal discrimmination through hate speeches are also rampant against homosexuals, which at worse, is aimed at inciting physical violence or "gay bashing". even the Holy Bible is used against homosexuals. some translations of the Old Testament have been used to justify the punishments given to gays. AIDS was said to be a punishment from God for lesbians and gays. (but in fact, as of 2005, The United Nations report says that more heterosexuals have AIDS than homosexuals, in a global scale.)

during the 20s and 30s (just as was the case in Biblical times), men who focused upon other men for romantic and erotic involvement's were branded with evil images -- images that a hateful society created.

another root cause of negative perceptions about same sex relationships is the belief that sex acts which are conducted for reasons other than reproduction are immoral. homosexual sex acts, because they do not contribute to biological fertilization and pregnancy, are often condemned on these grounds. the idea that homosexual couples cannot produce children is also a frequent objection to same-sex marriage.

naalala ko din tuloy yung tatay ko (although this story is not against homosexuality). one time he just bursted out (i can't remember the real topic of the conversation, though), to my shock and amusement, "ano ba 'to? pano naman ako magkakaapo? parehong anak ko, tomboy!" you see, my younger (and ONLY) sister is also into homosexual relationship.

going back... as homosexuality has been placed under bad light mainly by religion, historically it has been linked to other sexual behaviours such as pedophilia (does "Michael Jackson" ring a bell?)and even serial murders. homosexuality was listed in psychological manuals as one of many sexual disorders, and many attempts were made to treat it.

other psychologists, anthropologists, and criminologists in the 1960s and 1970s also believed sexual repression as one of the root causes of homosexuality. harshly saying that public repression of homosexuality will increase the number of gay men and lesbians. homosexuals were stereotyped by anti-gay groups as sexual perverts and criminals.

laws which punishes gay acts also add to the burden of gays and lesbians. gay groups complain that the mere existence of the law is enough for the police and anti-gay groups to brand gays and lesbians as "perverts" and "lawbreakers". they argue it is discriminatory and stigmatises gays and lesbians leading to abuse of gay people in their community.

nakakakulo din ng dugo how the media represents gays and lesbians. they also catalize the stereotypes made on homos. isn't it ironic how they are one of the instruments of advocacies for homos and at the same time, a medium of discrimmmination and condemn against the same group? sa internet din, nagkalat ang mga porn sites which show lesbians and gay men as sex maniacs. and even movies portraying sex acts between homos as purely based on lust, lust and lust alone. na kapag nanood ka eh hindi ka na actually malilibugan. mandidiri ka na lang, unless maniac ka din katulad ng mga producers at publishers ng mga porns na ito.

but then, we could only blame the anti's to a certain point. i must say homosexuals also have their part on this. kung ikaw nga naman eh isang konserbatibong Katoliko at makakita ka ng isang baklang rumarampa sa kanto na halos kita na ang kaluluwa sa suot na pekpek shorts at niyayakap-yakap lahat ng lalakeng nakatambay sa tindahan, ano nga ba ang maiisip mo? o 'di kaya ng isang tibo na halos lumuwa ang tingin sa malulusog na dibdib ng maganda ninyong kapitbahay habang sinisipulan ito, ano ba ang magiging tingin mo sa kanya?

many times, homosexuals have been involved with crimes related to passion. ilang stories na nga ba ang nabasa natin sa diyaryo, narinig sa radyo, at napanood sa tv na ang mga kriminal ay mga bakla/tomboy? (but then, we know that these cases are isolated ones compared with those het perpretrators.)

sadly, there are those kinds of homos. just as there are heteros like that. and maybe even worse. BUT, no one could be the judge. and no generalization should be made.

masakit pa rin isipin na hanggang ngayon ay hindi pa rin maunawaan at matanggap ng lipunan natin na maaari ngang magmahal nang tapat at totoo ang isang lalaki sa kapuwa nya lalaki at ang isang babae sa kapuwa nya babae. and i must say that it is UNFAIR for people to think about homosexual relationships as based on lust... that gays and lesbians could not love, as straight men and women do. because as i've seen and experience it, homosexuals as very passionate lovers. and i wouldn't trade my being a lesbian to anything. kahit umulan pa ng isang milyong Brad Pitt o Pierce Brosnan ngayon.

back from HK

i'm back! whether you like it or not, Summer Fire is home! :D

got back last saturday, march 26. our plane landed manila at around 11 pm. ambilis ng byahe actually. i heard, we're about 15-20 minutes early than our scheduled time of arrival. paglapag ng eroplano, nasabi ko sa sarili ko, "back to reality na... tapos na ang panaginip...." hong kong really seemed like a dream to me. parang superficial lahat ng nangyayari when we were there. i guess, dahil sa dami ng ginagawa, hindi masyadong nagsink sakin na nasa ibang bansa ako (maliban na lang sa pagkasuya ko sa chinese food after our first night there. sige na, sige na... prolly many of you will tell me na chinese food is one of the best food in the whole world, pero ano ngayon eh sa nasuya ako eh?)

anyhoot, i'm not gonna tell you stories about my HK trip. not yet. i'm sorry po sa mga gusto nang makabasa ng mga kalokohan ko dun, but i'm too busy pa po with all my bora scripts for airing :c after this week, hopefully mas maluwag na sched ko. i hope i could catch up with my entries soon.

*****

nga pala, my phone crashed days before i left for hk. unfortunately, all my contacts (since 2003) were stored in the phone memory. and so, i lost them all huhuhu....

now i'm asking you to please send me your numbers para naman ma-update ko yung phonebook ko, please? napapagod na rin akong magtanong nang magtanong sa lahat ng nagtitext na hindi registered ang number sakin. my number's the same by the way.

at para madagdagan ang kamalasan... i don't remember my memory card's password anymore! napu-frustrate nako since Monday when i got my phone from the Nokia Service Center. gusto ko nang itapon pati ung telepono. maayos na nga sya and all, hindi ko naman magamit ang memory card! waaaaaaa!!! sana nga kasama na lang nasira ng telepono yung memory card para at least i know na i've lost all the data na talaga. kesa naman na alam kong andyan lang ang memory card at pwede kong magamit pero hindi ko magawa dahil hindi ko mabuksan! aaarrrggghhh!!! and i've tried all the possible passwords na maisip ko. but to no avail. sheesh. eh iisa nga lang ang pw ko sa lahat ng accounts ko eh. kaya nga nagtataka ako kung anong tinamaan ng lintik na pw ang ginamit ko dun sa letch na memory card na un! name ata ng ex ko! bwahahaha! pero hindi rin. hay.

kapag ako nainis, itatapon ko na yang teleponong 'yan. gusto nyong saluhin?

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i wanna thank NV nga rin pala for writing the entry "The HK Connection". yep, sya po nagsulat nyan for me kasi hindi nako nagkaroon ng time sumulat ng entry before we left for hk. and yep, sa kanya po nanggaling ang mga katagang "gorgeous" at "sizzling hot". hindi po sakin *lol*

*****

HAPPY APRIL FOOL'S DAY everyone!