Wednesday, September 28, 2005

3 Things...

my dear dear hubby, here's my response...

Three Things You Didn't Know About Me

1. i have a "thing" with escalators. i dunno if you can call it phobia, but i cannot go up or down an escalator if i stand on the left side (actually, going up is "easier" hehe). i feel like i'll topple and roll down the esacalator any moment if i'm not standing on the right side. it takes me an abnormally longer time before i could actually launch my foot on the escalator steps. i have to let three steps pass before i could set my foot. and worse, i get a little panicky when there are alot of people behind me waiting for their turn on the escalator (lalo na sa mrt ayala! wag kayong magtulukan, paksheyt kayo!!! lolz)

2. i really really wanted to join "Little Miss Philippines" when i was a little girl. oh, yes... now, i'm Little Ms. Tomboy! hahaha! hekhekhek! harharhar!

3. i'm an OC (obsessive compulsive) when it comes to my things. i'd know it when you touch my things and disarrange them, even if you only touch one item from how i originally kept it. (my sister knows this very well lolz) so you better think twice if you wanna get something from my things without my permission. don't you dare.

now i'm tagging
Jayme, kwekz, and velvet. have fun sharing, gurls :)

Wednesday, September 21, 2005

If A Child...

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If a child lives with criticism,
he learns to condemn.
If a child lives with hostility,
he learns to fight.
If a child lives with ridicule,
he learns to be shy.
If a child lives with shame,
he learns to feel guilty.

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If a child lives with tolerance,

he learns to be patient.
If a child lives with encouragement,
he learns confidence.
If a child lives with praise,
he learns to appreciate.

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If a child lives with fairness,

he learns justice.
If a child lives with security,
he learns to have faith.
If a child lives with approval,
he learns to like himself.

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If a child lives with acceptance and friendship,

He learns to find love in the world.

-- Author Unknown


halika sa aking tabi
damhin ang yakap na mahigpit
punumpuno ng pag-ibig
sa lamig ng hangin
sa iyo'y magkukubli

huwag mangamba, anghel kong munti
sa dilim na hatid ng gabi
sapagkat sa mga bituin
ikaw ay ipaghehele
sa liwanag ng buwan
ikaw ay may kanlungan

himbing na anak
sa aking oyayi ng pag-ibig
sa umaga, sa iyong pagmulat
ang isang magandang bukas...

~ Summer Fire


sa unang pagkakataon,
ikaw ay nahimbing sa aking mga bisig.
o, anong ligaya ang iyong hatid...

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Thursday, September 15, 2005

I Buried My Nephew on Christmas Eve

Note: Got this from a friend's e-mail. He said that this came from a bulletin on Friendster. Hope you find time to read the whole article.

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Sunday, December 26, 2004 5:47:00 AM

I buried my nephew on Christmas day...

This is the most painful Christmas day for me yet... At four o'clock in the morning, on Christmas day 2004, my father woke me up and said we had to bring my sister to the hospital. I asked why and he told me she just had a miscarriage.

Putting on a pair of used jeans and a jacket, I went to the livingroom and found my sister sprawled on the kimi with blood oozing down her legs... her skin was pale and her breathing heavy. My dad, brother-in-law (my other sister's husband) and I brought her to the Veteran's Memorial Medical Center. My brother-in-law carried with him a shoebox and told me that the baby was inside. While the nurses were checking for my sister's blood pressure, I had an urge to open the box and take a look at the fetus. I was surprised to see a developed fetus, not possibly less than 20 weeks old, obviously pre-terminated on purpose. I immediately showed nurses my discovery and they proceeded to question my sister about what medicine she took to abort the baby.

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She didn't deny it anymore... she took a popular drug called "*******" (I've had old friends and students who took the drug specifically for abortion... and I've asked my aunt who's an OB-Gyne about it as well a few years ago). She took one pill and placed one into her ******. Very effective combo if you really want to flush out an unwanted baby... very lethal if you combine it with other drugs... which in the case of my sister was very much apparent.

At the time, I couldn't think of getting angry towards my sister. All I could think of was that the baby should have been mine... at least he would have had a fighting chance of being born alive, a fighting chance of experiencing life outside his mother's womb... It was so painful for me, taking him out of the newspaper he was wrapped in, wrapping him in an old scarf, holding him with my bare hands hoping that maybe somehow he could still be saved.

I prayed to the Lord that morning, just as the sun was about to rise... I asked him why He gave the child to my sister instead of me... I cried until exhaustion and pain overwhelmed me.

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As painful as it was, my dad gave the child for me to bury as "his mother is not worthy of him..." I gave him a name, Samuel... we made a small casket out of a shoebox and transferred him to an old box I had, more decent looking than the old shoebox. My other sister as well as my brothers, my parents and I prayed over him and sprinkled his body with holy water. In his make-shift casket, we gave him a small infant's shirt and a feeding bottle with breastmilk (my other sister is still breastfeeding to her four-month old son), an old driftwood I picked up from Dingalan, Aurora last summer that I kept as a charm, and my dad's lucky stone. We buried him in garden soil, collected inside an old ice box. As much as I wanted to give him a decent cemetery burial, society won't accept him because he was aborted. The hospital won't give him a death certificate. The funeral parlor turned me away. (Sheesh, I can't believe that Filipinos can be this narrow-minded and inhumane!)

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Tomorrow, I am going to plant grass and flowers on top of him, inside that old ice box... he will be with me when I move on as he is now mine... as he should have been.

My sister will be staying in my house when she checks out of the hospital... can't do anything about that as my parents are living with me and they wanted to confine her where they can see her... as for me, I don't think I can live under the same roof with her... not anymore. It's just not the same... She did this to her own son... and she did this knowing that our parents will be there for her, catching her where she falls, and, once again, her responsibilities are assumed by someone else.

I refuse to live with this again... and so I will leave... I will leave with my children and Samuel. I will spread the word about how he had died and how irresponsible, insensitive and inhuman this kind of abortion is... unwanted pregnancies from irresponsible sex is no licence to kill.

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Thursday, September 08, 2005

presenting Kahlil Nikolai

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one hot momma! este, PROUD nanay :)

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parehong matalino!
(also read as: "parehong malapad noo!" hehe)

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ang hairline! josko!

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kahlil: "antok nako pektyur-pektyur pa rin!"

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kahlil: "hay, nanay ko! anong petsa na?"
summer: "sandali lang anak. ngiti ka lang."



Gender: Boy

Pronunciation: kah-LEEL

Origin: Arabic

Famous poet Kahlil Gibran

Variants: Kahleil, Kalil, Kahlil

Meaning: "Friend"


Gender: Boy


Related names: Nicholas

Popularity: The name Nicolai was not ranked among 1219 first names for males of all ages in the 1990 U.S. Census. The name Nicolai ranked 14806 out of 88799 (Top 17%) as a surname for males and females of all ages in the 1990 U.S. Census.

"victorious people" (Nicholas); "winning"

Notes: Biblical: one of seven "qualified men" in the first-century Christian congregation. Saint Nicholas (fourth century) is known as the patron saint of Greece and Russia, children, scholars, sailors, and pawnbrokers, and (via his Dutch name, Sinte Klaas) the original Santa Claus. Five popes and two emperors of Russia have borne the name. Nicholai, Nicolai, Niklos are Slavic forms; Nickolaus, Nikolaus are German; Nikolai is Polish, Russian; Niccolo, Nicoli, Nicolo are Italian; Nikolos is Greek. Theatre director Nikos Psacharapolous; Dicken's novel "Nicholas Nickleby"; actors Nicholas Cage, Nikolas Grace, Nicol Williamson; composer Nicolai Rimsky-Korsakov; political philosopher Niccolo Machiavelli.

Monday, September 05, 2005


i'm having jitters. no, not wedding jitters (i just wish so, hehe). my son-to-be will be arriving tomorrow. yes, you've read it right. i will be a mom! his name is Kahlil Nikolai. yeah, i love Encantadia and i named him after Alena's (Karylle) son :)
i love kids. and i believe kids love me, too ^-^ and i really am excited!!! *jump jump* but at the same time, very very NERVOUS!

my Tita said he's fair-skinned (i'm morena!), has cute aquiline nose (mine's pango ugh!), and curly hair (my hair's kinda wavy now after a series of layered haircuts, hehe). but i still wonder alot how he actually looks like. but one thing is for sure, no matter how he looks, he will be dearly loved.

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oh, thinking back... never did it crossed my mind that i will be a mom at this age. hmm, kinda early for my standards. hehe. but i don't really care about that anymore. my concern now is how to give this sweet little angel a happy and beautiful future knowing his biological parents can't give him a comfortable life (this makes me nervous the most).

oh well... whatever happens, i know that we will be the coolest mom and son pair in the whole wide world!

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Thursday, September 01, 2005

Buti pa ang libro may appendix...

ako, WALA na.

yes yes show! hindi po kayo namali ng basa. ang lola nyo ay isa ng operada. hanggang ngayon nga, hindi ko matanggap kung bakit ang isang napakaliit na bagay (about 10 cm) eh nagdulot ng matinding sakit at paghihirap at napakalaking gastos sakin.

i've always had that attack - painful tummy, vomiting, LBM. noong una, hyperacidity lang ang sentensiya. papaano, mahirap talagang maging normal ang lahat kapag nasa media ka. ang pagtulog, paggising, pagkain, at takbo ng buhay mo, abnormal. paminsan-minsan, pati yata ang takbo ng pag-iisip ko :p at dahil naging normal na sakin ang pagiging abnormal, kebs na ang pagsakit-sakit ng tiyan/sikmura (hindi ko na nga talaga alam kung saan nanggagaling ang sakit). iinuman lang ng pain reliever, kinikeri na, work mode na ulit.

until came that fateful day...

july twenty eight, twenty O five. around seven in the morning. pagkatapos kong kumain ng agahan sa opisina, inatake na naman ako ng pagsakit ng sikmura na sinabayan ng pagsusuka at LBM. dedma. feeling ng lola nyo, kaya ng powers nya kaya kayod pa rin. kaya lang, sinabayan pa ng mala-ice age na singaw ng aircon ang samu't saring sakit na nararamdaman ko kaya itinaas na ang puting bandila. nagsabi nako sa superiors ko na uuwi na. mga bandang 11:00am na nun.

pero hindi ako dumiretso ng bahay. nagpasya akong wakasan na... ooops, hindi ang precious life ko ha, kundi ang matinding paghihirap. hehe. went to the hospital, instead.

rewind rewind muna... last june, inatake na rin nang sobrang tindi ang lola nyo kaya may-i-sugod na rin kami sa hospital nun. sa resulta ng blood test, may infection na daw ako sa dugo kaya pinayuhang magpa-admit at magpa-ultra sound to see kung tama ang hinala nila na appendicitis na nga ang problema. pero dahil nagmamaganda, dinedma ang doktor. paano kasi, nawala ang pain after tumungga ng pampahilab. and for more pagmamaganda, pumasok pa sa trabaho.

and so, after more than a month, natuloy ang bitay...

feeling ko, na-rape ako ng 3 beses. well, feeling ko lang naman. eh filingera naman talaga ako *lol* unang insidente ng panghahalay... kailangan ko raw magpa-TRANSVAGINAL ULTRASOUND, maliban sa whole abdomen at yung ultrasound for appendicitis. importante raw yun to see my insides better. trans-va-gi-nal... hmmm, tunog pa lang, pinagpawisan nako nang malamig. hindi naman ako ako T, as in capital TANGA, para hindi matunugan na they will have to insert the instrument through my you-know-what! UH-OH... nginiiiig to the bones ang lolah nyo. tapos na ang maliligayang araw ng pagiging "Huling (Lesbianang) Birhen sa Lupa". nyahahaha!
at para lalong pabigatin ang sentensiya - ang doktor na mag-uultrasound... isang napakalaking MAMA, as in LA-LA-KI [na malaki talaga for 5 feet 6 inches plus plus (sa tantiya ko), compared saking nagpapanggap na 5 feet haha!] mala-rock star pa ang pagka-long hair ng lolo nyo with matching white highlights courtesy of old age. and for more special effect, balbas sarado pa itowh! parang gusto kong tumakbo palabas ng ultrasound room. pero may magagawa pa ba ako? wala namang ibang available na doktor that time kundi siya kaya't pikit-mata ang lola nyo na naghubad ng pantalon at undie nang utusan nang, "hubad!". and the rest is history... (soundtrack ng buhay ko noon: tell me where it hurts now, baby...)

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    ikalawang insidente ng panghahalay...
    syempre, pinagpalit ako ng hospital gown bago kami pumasok ng OR. hubad lahat ng damit at underwear maliban sa panty. pero ang maganda, paggising ko... hospital gown na lang ang suot ko! saan napunta ang undie ko??? and for more, para 'atang nashave nang slight ang chorva ng lola 'nyo! toink! haaaaay... sana lang, babae ang nurse na gumawa ng lahat ng 'yun. huhu...
      ikatlong insidente... ikalawang araw ko sa ospital. nahirapang jumingle bells ang lola nyo. so kelangan daw ako lagyan ng catheter. another uh-oh! i heard, masakit yun at doon na naman sa you-know-what papadaanin ang tubo. at sa swerte ko talaga, hindi ako nagkamali... ARAAAAY! at umagos ang luha kasabay ng pag-agos ng wiwi sa catheter... (pasensya kung mejo gross lol)
        akala ko, magiging normal na ang lahat pagkatapos matanggal ang laman ng apdo ko. pero hindi pa rin pala. dapat, makalalabas nako ng hospital ng Linggo, but no! lalo atang nagdrama ang apdo at labasan ng wiwi ko. ang sabi ng doktor, epekto raw ng general anaesthesia na itinurok sakin nung operation. so i had to stay for another day for observation. at ang verdict... kelangang malagyan ng polycatheter (permanent one, yung una kasi ikinabit lang then tinanggal din agad after mailabas ang urine).
          and so, pikit-mata ko na namang hinarap ang kalbaryo ng pagkakabit ng catheter... crayola na naman tuloy ang drama ng lola nyo. wala pa, ngumangawngaw nako (ng slight lang naman hehe), expecting the pain. pero nagulat ang byuti ko nang wala akong naramdaman pagkapasok ng catheter sakin! vakeeet??? *esep-esep* pero maya-maya, wala pang limang minuto eh dahan-dahan nang gumapang ang kirot sa chorva ng lola nyo! maigas! hanggang nararamdaman ko na pati ang sakit sa puson ko (o, bawal madumi ang isip ha! huh!) hanggang sa crayola to death na ang drama ko. AS IN! ngawa kung ngawa! kebs sa mga kasama ko sa kwarto. nakita ko nga naiyak ang kapatid ko. ang mama at papa ko, nataranta nang slight kasi sumisigaw na ang lola nyo na tanggalin na ang catheter. at parang kinakatay na baka sa pag-crayola. pero ano raw ang magagawa? eh ganun talaga raw hanggang hindi lumalabas ang wiwi.
            but no! maya-maya lang, nafeel ko na ang pag-agos ng wiwi. pero hindi sa catheter, kundi sa likod ko! pakingsheyt! it turned out, mali ang pagkabit ng catheter. %&*^%$##@*!!! how b*b* can these nurses get (na later on eh nadiscover kong interns pa lang pala)? hirap talaga sa mga ospital natin dito sa Pinas, may sakit ka na nga gagawin ka pang guinea pig! sheyt talaga! sheesh. considering na private hospital na yung ospital ko na yun. geezwiz...

            hemingweyz, ok naman na ang lola nyo ngayon. sabi ko nga, alive and pagiling-giling! hahaha! sa awa ng Diyos, balik trabaho agad after 2 weeks. kailangang kumayod dahil walang pambiling lip gloss lol at eto nga, kagagaling lang Dagupan at Baguio :)
            lesson learned from the experience... wag magpanggap na birhen! nyahahaha! *rotflmao*
            ay basta, ang mahalaga ay nagbalik nako. kahit bcbchan nga lang. hehe. will post more relevant article next time lolz